is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
