Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize