Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
