tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
