I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ok first of all what the fuck
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
