Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
