He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize