Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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