If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
