I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
