I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize