WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
