So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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