But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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