I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
