Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
