I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
