party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
