Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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