mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
