YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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