youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
