weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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