he shaved USA in his pubs
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
