Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
