So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
