I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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