i barfeds in our rink
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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