So drunk its hurt
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
