Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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