thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
