i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
