just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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