just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
