Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
