I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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