Cold hands, warm shart.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
