I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
