All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
