i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hippo gnu deer
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
