You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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