you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
