hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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