Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
