so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
