I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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