I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
