she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
