i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
