How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
