East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
