i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
