Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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