Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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