"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
