I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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