she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
