he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
