dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
