I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize