6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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