he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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