Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
