I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
