I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
