I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
