dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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