I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I take back everything I said about communal showers
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
